Presentation nightmares

I don’t know about you but presentation scare the living daylight out of me.

I work myself up into such a state then when my name or group is called up my legs feel like jelly, I start to get all hot and everything just clears my mind. No mount preparation seems to help me and I’ve tried endless method over the years to try and concur this fear.

• Imagine people naked – this is a lie it does not help instead I just get freaked out over the idea of so much flesh (I’m not a very touchy feely person so this is my worst nightmare)

• Staring at a spot at the back of the room – this is all well and good until you remember what you are talking about and then your just left standing there BLANK

• Taking deep breaths – I find this hard for some reason, it’s a basic human instinct that just shuts down for me at the wrong moment in time so I end up either talking really quick or getting a dry throat

• I’ve tried making eye contact with a friend – but no matter how close I am to said friend I just feel like they are laughing at me

The lengths I have gone to, to try and overcome this is a joke, it’s something that I just wish I was able to do.

Now here’s the bit that real annoys me about this fear, I have a hobby. A performance hobby that involves me performing in front of a couple of hundred people about 20 times a year, so why the hell am I not able to present to a group of no more than 20?

Like seriously

Since I have had this problem my whole life I’ve had a lot of thinking time on what exactly I think is preventing me from showing the same confidence in a class as I do on the arena.

One of the main points that I keep coming back to is self-confidence, now I’ll be honest I am such a shy person. People close to me may argue otherwise by saying that I am outgoing; this I true but only when I am comfortable around people.

I over think general everyday tasks always expecting the worst to happen for example, when I go for my weekly food shop I have a little check list I run through before I can even leave my flat – headphone (because listening to music will make me look less awkward), outfit (do I look stupid, is there a chance my zip would come down and show tomorrow washing?), bank card (I check this before I leave, whilst walking and before I head to the till) and finally what time is it because I dread seeing someone or feeling like loads of people are staring at me). All this over think is ridiculous and I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy.

But I have decided to not give into my fears anymore and I’m determined to get over this issue that causes me such stress, I know that it’s something that I will face in the future so there no point in giving up hope everything can be achieved.

Yet for the meanwhile I am sat here the night before my first presentation of this new brief absolutely bricking it, like always and I plan in getting very little sleep tonight.